By Madeleen Steenkamp and Chantal Burger
Space is an aspect of love which is often neglected, misunderstood and misinterpreted.
Often one partner will experience space as rejection –my partner doesn’t want to be with me ALL the time or my partner doesn’t trust me or love me enough to give me some space…some ME time.
Acclaimed author of books like: the Prophet, Khalil Gibran explaines the complex intertwined love relationship beautifully – “And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow”; thus two people in a marriage are like 2 trees, they stand close enough to provide each other protection from the elements, but not as close to invade eachother’s water supply, the winds of life must be able to blow through.
If you want to know whether you are giving your partner enough love, ask yourself the following questions:
1. Am I giving my partner enough space?
2. Am I giving this space with love or in mistrust?
LOVE is giving SPACE; in turn realising TRUST.
You might have experienced in yourself or your partner how a lack of space invigorates the fight/urgency therefore.
The concept of SPACE is relative; it differs not only from men to women, but also from person to person.
Extroverts may require space away from home (golfing; hunting)
Introverts may require space at some place in/around the home (playing playstation; gardening)
If you as a partner grant the other space, it is interpreted as an act of love. No one can resist unselfish love as depicted above. Any relationship is built up of resiprocal compromises: the more space you give; the more love you will receive…and vice versa.
The author of: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, John Gray describes men as being like a rubber band, even though they at times pull away from their partner they eventually bounce back. If you are in a relationship and you allow your partner to pull away slightly from time to time without setting ultimatums or consequences, it will be rewarded by increased trust and love. Should both partners pull away in retaliation of each other, no trust or love is formed, it is in fact destructed.
There is a saying: If you give love and it comes easy to you, you are doing it wrong!
Remember that as with everything else in life, nothing worthwhile comes easily especially in love.